This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
