So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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