Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize