I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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