My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
