Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
