you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
