Well douche your snatch and let's go!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
