RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
