The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its not stalking. its research.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
