Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
