i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize