Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
