I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
