apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
