Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
