as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize