eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
