Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
