So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
