Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
