True but thats because hes a fetus.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
