she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
