I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
