my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he fucked my hip out of place.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
