i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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