The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
