So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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