ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Terrible idea I love it
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
