My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
