She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize