good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
