..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
