I queefed so loud it echoed.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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