Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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