we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
