hotel room ftw
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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