What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
