I don't usually arrange sex via text message
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
