Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
