1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
