Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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