So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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