i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
