fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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