So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
