I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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