..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
