Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
