we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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