I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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