and you said cock pushups were impossible
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
