I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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