new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
