You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
