My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
