Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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