sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
