The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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