I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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