Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
