tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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