My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
