Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
