Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
