My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
