I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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