it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize