I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
