he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
