You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
